I’ve grown sick and tired of the so-called Independent Woman <insert appropriate theme song here>.

She tires me –

• She’s always on a mission to remind a brother of her varied accomplishments,
• The kind that will wax lyrical about her air-conditioned 4x4 with the tinted windows and how by day she’s a hardworking senior manager of some incompetent staff complement.
• She’s the kind to loudly micromanage her Franchise business over the phone by night while she waits on the after-hours over-drinks meeting with the co-owner of some or other consortium looking to partner on a tender deal,

acting like she’s the first woman to hold up her world and after her there will be no other.

I get it; I’m not the type you’ll allow to court because I appear a little beneath you since the soles of my feet are tread with rubber and bear the label AllStar.  But before you was The Shebeen Queen.

• My Queen trekked out to the urban landscape unlawfully to keep her family together so her children grow up with a father,
• She held up her family while her man was deep in the crevices of the Joburg earth mining mineral,
• She employed lookouts to mind the Kwela-Kwela so she can brew her skokiaan in peace,
• Her haunt was the place the “struggle” was strategized while the creative minds of the day mulled over their next socio-political articles over a bottle of som’ potent and illegal
• She protected wanted activists, and helped them go underground

So don’t tell me about your Brazilian hair and your expensive gel manicure, I’m looking for a woman with enough confidence to know that it takes little more than a mind I can converse meaningfully with, a curve hugging skirt, and occasionally a little veza to keep me titillated.

I don’t need to hear a speech about how you “don’t need a man”.  Work your job, make your money, but maybe later we can meet for drinks and spark an interesting conversation? 

Disclaimer:  since this is the first, I may as well be upfront about my aim, which is to give due propers to ladies of all sorts. But as I have women I call mother, sister, aunt and girlfriend I’m going to be calling it as I see it – and not exactly how it is.

Writer: NguJaz          Photographer: NoidSyStems

Stop what your doing, if you don't already know I am goint to let you in on what is now an open secret.  Victoria's Secret lauched their high end designer line this week and it's hot.

It's a change from their colourful and playful look, but it's still equally as fun.This is the type of underwear you put on when you want to feel like a grown ass woman. Bras range from $98-$159, bottoms and garters from $38-$68 and baby doll and teddies are $158- $218. To get a look at the full range and prices check out www.victoria

See some of the goodies on offer, so ladies and gentlemen happy shopping :-)

xoxo

VS. Till we meet again.

Follow me on twitter @vanitystreet.

In some contexts “just” can be used as a diminutive adverb. Similar to saying: “He is merely a friend.” If one ever saw fit to describe your friendship in those glowing terms one should decide if they’re happy having their association being referred to in those terms.

By virtue of being gregarious seeking social interaction is a given and thus one has few options but to form relationships. Some are friendships and generally the word “friend” casts a positive light on the nature of the relationship. Other relationships go in the opposite direction and take on negative qualities much like foes, enemies, adversaries or whatever else you wish.

I was under the impression that when you got married your husband or wife would ideally be your best friend too. I never understood people saying they don’t want to ruin a friendship, if you’re supressing the development of a relationship how is that looking after it? Unless you view friendships like bonsai trees, situation permitting you should encourage friendships to develop. Mind you the words “situation permitting” are of vital importance.

It goes down to what we like to call our partners even; boyfriend\girlfriend. Friendship is the ultimate prize in this relationship game and when you see a couple that has been together for years and are still in love realize that friendship runs deep between them. Personally I struggle with reconciling why trying to enhance a friendship is looked at as an easy path to “ruining” that friendship.

[Be advised that what I am saying should be considered by single people, people in committed relationships are afforded special privileges in these instances ]

Recently I was speaking to a lady who looked at me disapprovingly when I told her that my lady and I went from meeting straight to dating. She was curious why I wouldn’t spend time evaluating someone before I dated them. I replied that one of my favourite passages is when we’ve just met and we give in to our mutual attraction. The rush of infatuation and physical attraction create my foundation and after the physical hurdles have been cleared I get about knowing more about the person of interest.

I understand the school of thought that says that this is approaching things in reverse but unfortunately the friend zone has created a situation where I am sometimes reluctant to engage in friendship. I believe these friendships have glass ceilings and found that being the kind that speaks about any and everything with female friends renders you an unviable preposition for a relationship sometimes. It’s also a lot more difficult to make the leap from friend to lover, but besides that difficulty I am worried by something else.

I am worried that going from friend to lover means that we get to miss the butterflies and irrational attraction and yearning that make new relationships so exciting. I am not sure if after two years of being buddies jumping into relationship mode can get me excited enough to do those romantic things that guys do when they are courting. I am not sure I could ramp up my excitement to lend that new love feel to things.

I have unfortunately been caught in the friend zone one too many times and the way some women play the friend game seems unfair to me. I’d like to think that if I was your friend I’d be as genuine a friend as possible and I get frustrated when a friendship is so good I see my marriage being a relationship like this. When all that’s missing is affection to make this the best thing you’ve ever experienced. Of course most of the time this feeling is one-sided, but the times it has happened to me I hated it enough to never want to go back there again.

The other day my lady called me friend and I replied that I’m not her friend. I said that I’m her lover and I’m trying to be as good a friend to her as I am a lover.

It’s been really interesting going from this intense emotional connection to mapping out our friendship. Understanding that a lack of friendship ruins a relationship more than a relationship can ruin a friendship. As much as I love my woman my job won’t be finished till I’m her best friend too. I want THAT friend zone! The friend zone where lover and friend become indistinguishable; where I’m not her man and she’s not my woman.  The kind of friend-zone where she can freely disagree with and correct me in public. Where she doesn’t think things like don’t speak over your man in public or behave a certain way when he’s around, where she can feel like a true equal.

This is the kind of friend zone I like to create and once this zone has been created it’s very difficult to break out of too. Even if we broke up and stopped being lovers we could say things like: “Let’s stay friends” knowing that we are also full-fledged friends.  

The common definition of friend zone is somewhat of an insult, it means that you’re good enough to be a friend but not good enough to be lover. Considering that the ultimate goal of relationships lies in companionship which is ultimately friendship I am surprized that so many don’t see this friend zone thing as the slap to your friendships face it is.

Just remember that a friendship and the friend zone are not the same thing. The zone is a containment exercise and friendship is allowed to run whatever which way it pleases

Welcome to 2012 ladies and gentlemen, I do hope your year is off to a good start.

I ushered mine in on the couch having a movie marathon with my sister. It was the most quiet New Years Eve I've had in years, and possibly the best decision I've made in awhile. Not that I don't enjoy partying up a storm and shaking my derreire, but the change was welcomed.

As is customary we mere mortals take into stock the past year and all the things that you may or may have not done in 2011. You make a list of things you want to do in the new year, dress them up and call them resolutions. I don't quite like that word at all, I feel that is used quite loosely. So I decided to do things a little differently this year and I'm crossing my fingers hoping that things work out.

Over the first few days of 2012, I took time to think about where I am, where I want to be and how I think I can get there. As some would call it I was being introspective. I needed to do it, I couldn't enter another year on borrowed time without honestly and fairly evaluating what the plan is.

While in the mix of things, another moment of introspection sort of landed on my lap. I learnt something about myself and it was a gut wrenching realisation but I'm glad it happened so early in the year. I was on the couch at a friends place playing catch up and chatting about life, love, growing up; all that lovely stuff. So while we were disecting the merits of love and relationships, I uncovered an interesting truth about myself.

Somehow I wish I had figured this a long time ago. I get it now that somethings come with age and having the ability to critique yourself. Whilst on this topic of love and I remember saying to my friend all teary eyed "I definitely know how to love some one". I don't do things in half measures and I will go the extra mile to express the love I have for you. I evaluated my current and past relationships, then re-evaluated them again. Peeled the layers like an onion trying to find out where the kink in the model is. Then a light bulb came on and my heart sank into the pit of my stomach.

I know how to love *silence* and the tears start streaming down my face again. I realised that I don't know how to be loved, well at least they way I want and deserved to be. We sat then in silence for a bit and then I offloaded a lot of things I thought I had dealt with. I'm glad that I went into that place, I needed to discovered those things about myself and I know that I'm better off as a result.

In light of that I found by muchness so to speak. My sense of purpose is renewed and the unnatural sense of fear I have been secretly carrying with me is slowly lifting. Recently had a Body Talk session last week with my altenative medicine therapist and this is what I learnt about fear.

1.)   Fear is a low frequency emotion, which is why you feel like you have low energy or a down after the fact.  Included in low frequency energies are anger, depression, sadness etc.

2.)   As a result fear affects multiple levels of your overall wellbeing, including the physical. For most of us however the effects are mental, emotional and spiritual.

3.)   It’s paralysing and often stops us from being our truest selves.

Then he gave me 3 points:

1.)   Fear of being controlled or influnenced

2.)   Fear of not being in control

3.)   Fear of being able to control ( this relates to circumstances in your life)

This is where I am at, but apparently I am not alone. Energetically a lot of people around the world are walking around harbouring low frequency emotions. The best way to fix this is to constantly remind yourself of the opposite.

Which is…? LOVE!!!!!! So I’m on a mission to remind myself and find descriptors for all things love. If you believe, it becomes part of you and the universe will work in sync.

Till we meet again

A blessed year to you all.

xoxo

VS

Yep! Yep! It’s a new year - 2000 and twelve. Firstly be grateful that you are still around to witness this life that we live nje - because you can. Secondly we welcome you back from the holidays hope you rested well and drank as much as you could d. [but that's not the point]

ok, ok, ok let me be serious for a minute. After all is said and done there is always more said than done - and we [as a collective of this s83 family] we have done more in the last couple of years. There are few websites that live past 5 years and we have done that - progressively as well. We thank all who have contributed towards our growth in the past years. 

Studio83

Last year we introduced more contributors on s83 - now we have 27 in total. We are hoping on having more this year and get better even content. We are hoping on dropping more issues this year. We are hoping for a fresher s83 this year as well.

Celebrate Life

Celebrate Life has been around 3 years now and it has grown in its own pace bringing new people who are not in our circles and new point of views. We are proud of the progress it has done in the past year - we would love to thank Mosa Mahlaba for managing the direction taken last year. Celebrate Life will have a new direction this year - hopefully a new design as well.

Marvin

Marvin, Marvin - we would love to try something different with Marvin - we would like to explore the print medium for Marvin. You ask why? Well we already have two magazines that are only online based and they are doing well in their own rights. We have never pursued before - so we believe that maybe Marvin might be right start of all this. On that note if you know anyone who is willing to invest in a man's magazine. Give us a shout.

With that being said, lets see what this year has for us.

The word worth is closely linked with value, for example: What is this ring worth? An answer could be: It’s worth millions. This use of the word worth is correct but there are other ways we can use the word worth that might not be related to monetary value. If we happened to get trapped on an island and there was one of us who knew how to fish and hunt they would be worth more than the pretty girl who spends all day sleeping. In that case worth is credited according to usefulness and once again the group that values this skill attaches worth to the person with those skills.

Unless you discuss worth in monetary terms your worth will always be determined by those you interact with. Their impression of you lends weight to your worth. So when we have people who claim to know their worth what exactly do they mean? Earlier I was discussing this with some ladies online and hinted they were using the word worth in the wrong context.

I pushed a little and one replied that worth had more to do with principles and not compromising them and so forth. I replied that this school of thought spoke more values than value, value and worth being the same in a manner of speaking you find that values and self-worth are kind of similar too.

So when people say they know their worth, while I understand their sentiment, they themselves can never tell you what they are worth. Saying I know what I stand for or I know what I believe in is far more apt than: I know my worth. It is knit-picking but if we were to be pedantic about it we could use an example of a mother who works as a cleaner. To her employer she is not worth much perhaps, she is viewed as expendable and if she got ill or died Lord knows the employers would just replace her. The same lady can get home and be the breadwinner which means she is worth a lot more to her family than she is to her employer.

Using the word worth in those contexts is not wrong and it doesn’t place a monetary value on that person. It speaks to how others view them and assign worth, as such I will go back to my original assertion.  One cannot determine their own worth; we must tell you what we think you are worth to us. Just as ivory is worth a lot to some Asians the same ivory hardly holds value to some Africans. So is the ivory really worth much if anything?

Removing the ‘self’ from self-worth changes the meaning completely. Self-worth is concerned with self-esteem and how one views themself in relation to the world. Worth on the other hand is how the world views you.

p.s  I didn’t think I could explain this fully via the tweets @IllanaG_06 @Melfunktion and @ma_nzi

There are ...

• 18,310 / visits 
• 128,177 / page views/impressions
• 18,310 / unique-visitors
•  509,314 / hits
•  6.73 Gigabytes of bandwidth
• Mondays and Thursdays are the busiest days
• Theres more people logged in at 1am and 2am [CAT] ... this is strange, wonder why most people who log in do it at that time of the night.

Top 10 Posts

1. Vanity Streets / Aphrodite - The Goddess Chronicles
2. Sizwe / Mistakes Single People Make
3. Vanity Streets / Music* Love* Sex* Happiness*
4. Vanity Streets / Are You My Wonder Woman, I wonder Woman? 
5. George Gladwin Matsheke / Truelove Magazine [Sarah Ngubeni]
6. Vanity Streets / Goddess Chronicles: The Walk In Closet
7. Sizwe / Tight Fisted Love Perhaps?
8. Vanity Streets / The Nookie Rule Book
9. MiszB's Canteen: Calorie Counted Winter Warmers (Part Three)
10. George Gladwin Matsheke / Khosi Nkosi @ YDE & Distinctive Wear by Thabo Mukwevho

Top 25 Keywords Search ...

1. aphrodite greek goddess 2. greek goddess aphrodite 3. masego on cl.studio83.co.za 4. aphrodite 5. aphrodite goddess 6. aphrodite goddess of love and beauty 7. goddess aphrodite 8. aphrodite goddess of love 9. sexy goddess 10. goddess of beauty 11. greek aphrodite 12. wonder woman hot 13. makena mokeka 14. greek goddesses aphrodite 15. goddess of love aphrodite 16.aphrodite greek goddess of love 17. the goddess aphrodite 18. chocolate cake 19. goddess 20. kanyi mavi 21. picture of aphrodite 22. pictures of aphrodite goddess of love 23. aphrodite the goddess 24. bohyně afrodita 25. celebrate life mag - sizwe mogale

Top 10 Countries that visit s83 ...

1. United States 2. South Africa 3. Great Britain 4. Germany 5. Hong Kong 6. Canada 7. Norway 8. Italy 9. Philippines 10. India

Browsers

1.Firefox 2.Chrome 3.Internet Explorer 4.Safari 5.Opera Mini 6.BlackBerry 7.Mozilla Compatible Agent 8.Android Browser 9.BlackBerry9700 10.BlackBerry9300

Then the rain falls, and the sun makes it through the clouds now and then, you laugh, you love, you learn, your brain subjects to that feeling of butterflies and you stay, you feel secured, excited, full of hope, you even forgot you own a cellphone or have any other commitments besides this one.

Then there is a twist to the plot, nature determines a change in weather. And no, no one is out to spite you, this is inevitable, you cannot fly so free anymore, colours become dull, and that feeling in your stomach? yes! makes you wanna puke. Its the cold season, all the yellows and greens are eradicated, and suddenly you have a life again, besides this blight on happiness.

A few days ago a friend of mine wrote: "...when your moving out of a place don't shit on it because you will never know when you might come back…" not sure if its accurate but something along those lines. Now this shitty line determines wether your old life will welcome you back, did you detach yourself completely, forgot about all that sustains you from within when all else fails, or did you maintain a symmetrical balance that gives you room for change?

This is the time where you decide, wether you want to hide till the dawn of the next season, reap all that you sow during the days when it rained or simply let the butterfly die and hope for reincarnation in the next season. Or just any other butterfly, after all they all bring change, beautiful colours, freedom, summer, warmth and well butterflies in your stomach.

Writer: Caprisel    Photographer: Nokulunga sQue Msomi

This is a natural feeling and there is nothing wrong with it but it must be stressed that how you go about belonging to these groups or gaining this favour has a lot to do with your state of mind at that time. Tied in with that, your ability to see and not stand for any form of unfair treatment is closely linked to what back-up you have. If you’d let me articulate please…

If you have a strong urge to be friends with someone you make efforts, you will place yourself at the right place at the right time, probably have similar interests and if the chemistry is right it never takes much to ignite a friendship. I know that between guys it not that difficult for us to get along and barring things like racism or homophobia in some instances guys generally get along well. A male female friendship will almost always initially have undercurrents of sexual tension. This is normally something kept hush by one of the parties as they are putting their best foot forward, but it’s important at this stage to make some things clear.

Most single people are not looking to be friends; a single guy will strike up a friendship with a beautiful woman not because she’s so cool but because he has a need he wants met. This could be physical or emotional but you must know that these friendships between singles are normally inspired by some sort of attraction. I can’t comment on how ladies approach these situations but I sincerely hope that it’s not with a naivety so robust that they fail to see the physics at play.

As long as this man is single he will keep looking to get his needs met, at some point he gets to know the lady and finds ways to convey his feelings. Depending on the individuals he may cede power to her as he might have this crush or be in love already. Some women like to play the friend card knowing full well the guy has the hots for her, and as time goes will make the man squirm emotionally. Knowing that she has some kind of hold on him she can keep the door ajar just enough to keep the poor guy around.

Loneliness can cause some men to stick around as they now have a woman to talk to; his friendship is growing with his emotions for her. In any event they are always BBMing each other or something so the feeling of growing closer is genuine. While this man has developed an emotional bond with this lady his physical needs not being met often starts to cause tension, this tension is exacerbated when the woman is also single. Generally the tone of these situations is always: “you’re good enough to hang with but not good enough to get with.” This flies like a fist to the jaw and generally makes the man feel not good enough.  

The desire for companionship sometimes is that strong that even at this end the guy will stick around.

Now put a guy in a relationship in the same situation. If he loves his woman the inclination to be friends with beautiful women is normally greatly dulled. Even if he isn’t that in love and he just wants a side helping his approach to this friendship is very different to the single mans. The fact that somewhere else he gets love means that he doesn’t need companionship like the single guy does. Situations vary but for the most part if you want to be friends with a guy, in the full sense of the word friend its best you approach a guy in a relationship. He might find you attractive but will resist for far better reasons than the fear of making you upset. He will also be more critical of the friendship, if the lady tries to make use of her feminine whiles to get her way he can call her out quickly bringing her back to order.

In simple terms, lonely people are willing to submit themselves to a lot more ill treatment than those who are not. Just like some men take advantage of lonely women, some women do the exact same to men. None of these people should be proud of themselves.

I came to this realisation after I met my woman. You see I had maintained a very unsatisfying friendship with someone I had fallen in like with. In the back of my mind I knew that she wasn’t a halfway decent friend, but her attention [measured chronologically] filled something so missing that I was happy to have an intelligent woman to talk to while I worked. I had made an emotional connection to this woman and enjoyed the fact that she gave me feelings.

Being alone and living a life devoid of emotions can get so terrible that you are so happy to be eventually feeling something you might not be aware that you’re being given negative feelings. I got used to feeling this way, sometimes she’d say things that got me wound up enough that I’d have to complain. I’d send a mail or something and then be scared to read the answer. Sometimes even feeling like there are some things that I just shouldn’t say for the sake of harmony.  

I liked her but was scared of what she could say; if I expressed positive feelings about her I’d hear that I’m getting carried away. If I said something negative I got that “this crap again?” kinda attitude, as a result we really never discussed anything worthwhile.

My girl got onto Instant Messenger as well but our conversations were so much more positive, I even started sporting a little grin while chatting. What I had been looking for was being provided, and although I still liked my friend I started noticing things. Things like how she could never say something nice about me. Or rather how she had never said anything nice about me, I noted that she’d only said something positive about me after I had pointed out that she’d had never done such before. While I had been with other women while holding a torch for her I had made that emotional connection but now realised that I made that connection on my own.

Having something else to compare this friendship to I started to see all the weak points, I started seeing that I had subjected myself to this. I saw how little she cared about me and furthermore saw how little our friendship meant to her. I saw that had I invested the same energy in this she did I would have seen it for the dud it was. Being finally disenchanted I saw that even though we chatted daily online for hours my friend had never once visited me at my home for example.

Being loved by my woman made me take note of this and made me question why I would stand for this kind of treatment. It made me see that even though I needed to have a woman I could talk to loneliness or blind adoration had put me in a situation where I was getting negative reinforcement and sadder I was doing this out of my own free will.

Not being single made all the difference in how I looked at things, what makes it even worse is that having had fallen in love like I have romantic inclinations had finally been banished from my mind. So the day I finally look at my friendship and evaluated it I got to see what I was dealing with.  

Had I not had the emotional back-up that I have now I would have taken much longer to see that I’m the only one being a friend here.

I like to say: Don’t test how much people care because you might not like the answer. Well one should never be in doubt regarding if or not their friends care for them too, so go on if you’re not sure if this is a genuine friend test away

It is said to be an emotion. Therefore it has no colour, size or shape. I guess it’s older that any of us, yet younger at the same time. It is old yet new. We indulge in it, we curse it and sometimes love it. What I find interesting about LOVE is how dark it gets. The deeper you go into it the darker it becomes. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for LOVE.

But think about it, does it hurt just the same if you are in it for a short while compared to when you are in it for a longer period? Let’s find a cliché we take for granted. ‘The ones you LOVE are the ones who will hurt you the most.’ Ask Jesus about this phrase or better yet ask Malcom X, or maybe Julius Caesar.

We validate it with words.

‘I LOVE you.’ What do these words really mean?

“I have an intense feeling of deep affection, some would say.”

Do you say those words to satisfy yourself or the next person? Why do we never say ‘I LOVE myself hence I have you around me? If we get satisfaction from being with the next person and we LOVE the feeling we feel around them, then I guess we are the selfish ones for indulging in their company. The best thing we could do is be honest to them and let them know that we are with them because it makes us happy and we choose to make ourselves happy at their expense.

If he or she abuses you, you leave them not because you LOVE them but because you LOVE yourself too much to withstand the abuse. So the next time you feel like the next person has betrayed you, maybe you should stand back and look at the situation again, maybe you might realise that you have actually betrayed yourself by choosing them to LOVE you, and in turn LOVE won’t be such a dark place/thing anymore.

Spread the LOVE among yourselves.

Writer: Zwelibanzi Damba

Images: Time is Love & AspieWeb

Diaro is discerning young woman, whose passion driven and believes in creating her

own coincidences.

• What makes you the woman that you are?

I’ll say my mother’s grooming, and lessons about women-hood learned from earlier experiences.

• Who are the women that inspire you?

My Mother and ordinary women doing extraordinary, in difficult circumstances.

• What inspired you love for interior design?

I believe that beautiful spaces are productive spaces, if your home, office, shop looks great, it inspires productivity one way or another, e.g. If you have a beautifully decorated office space, it’s a pleasure going to work, & boosts productivity. As human beings we are attracted to things that look good, be it a coffee shop, or a well dressed person.

• Have you ever experienced challenges as a woman?

Yes I have, being young, and  female, in a industry where most of your suppliers, plumbers, electricians etc are men, I find it, some of them find it quiet difficult taking instructions from me, and at times give me a hard time.

• Where do you see the future of young women in our country?

The future is very bright for immerging young women in SA, we have privileges our mothers did not have, provided they are driven and realise that they can do anything the heart desires. We also need to mentor and coach young women to assist them in their pursuit of greatness, because everyone can be great or great things

• What is the sugar and spice of being in the fashion and design industry?

Design is always evolving and progressing, it never stays the same, too long, that is exciting, keeps you on your toes. This industry is a creative outlet, and great design to me somewhat spiritual.

For more info check out: @DIARO7

diaroblog.wordpress.com

Diaro Design and Decor    Interview by: Caprisel

Everyone should be familiar with the name Victoria's Secrets. It is an American retailer that sells women's lingerie and beauty products. Victoria Secrets was started in San Franciso, California 1977 by Roy Raymond who felt embarrased trying to purchase lingerie for his wife in a department store setting. So he set up his first store and quickly followed by a mail order catalogue. 

You see the idea was to have a store that wasn't intimidating for men. A place they could walk into comfortable with the help of skilled sales people and purchase lingerie for their wives (or girlfriends). Far forward a few years later, Mr Raymond sold the business in 1982 to the Leslie Wexner the creator of the Limited for R4 million dollars  Now that we've got a little of the history covered, let's get back to my favourite part of the story.

In 1995 Victoria Secret's showcased their very first annual fashion show which is broadcast on primetime American television. Now if you've ever seen this show, you'll that it is quite a production. Each year has a different theme, with elaborate customed lingerie, music show intertwined and the set design gets bigger and better. For the first few years the shows were broadcast preceding Valentines Day, which was an opportunity for the brand to showcase it's product line.

Then in the early 2000s the show was moved ahead of the Christmas holiday season. Every year 20 to 40 of the world's top fashion models are selected to be part of this is star studded production. Now this includes half a dozen women who are contracted to the company known as the Victoria Secrets Angels. Apart from the lingerie, the models look forward to wearing various types of wings and one special lady will have the luck of wearing the fantasy bra.

In 2000 Gisele Bundchen wore the bejewelled bra, that earned its place in the Guinness World Records for the most expensive item of lingerie ever created at a whopping $15 million.

So you I will forgive if you do not understand why going to this event would mean the world to me. Bucket list item number 10.

Til we meet again, cheers.

V.S

I noticed that some women tend to be a lot more guarded in how they approach love; that’s to say the flow of love from her to him isn’t always a nourishing and consistent stream. Before ladies take sides please note I will get to the guys and how they fit into all this in a bit. I’m not sure if it’s culture or just society at large which has caused this problem but these views are from my perspective and I can only share my baggage.

Although no one is the same the blueprints of our emotional circuitry are pretty much standard; experience moulds these circuits to produce adults who will have varied reactions to external inputs. Society at large doesn’t handle emotions too well and black society in particular is more emotionally handicapped sometimes. If you ask lots of women what they think men want the answers vary from prettiness, sex, cooking, keeping the house clean and so on. Strange it is that all these wants are physical in nature; how can we expect to nurture something nontangible as love is using physical aids?

As I had mentioned in my last article that while sex is great for laying the foundation; we need to take advantage of the receptive state people are in after making love, we take advantage so that we can give them their emotional charge. Telling your partner how good they make you feel, talking to them about their feelings, thanking them for affording you the opportunity to love them, laughing together, sharing secrets etc. These little exchanges in combination with physical bonding make room for nourishing the emotional aspects of your relationship. We all need to raise our EQ when dealing with this, that includes knowing that the physical aspects of a relationship while important are not the most important to growing love.

I hinted that some women don’t give that emotional platform readily and men find themselves getting glimpses of how loving this person can be. For example; you could watch your lover with a child and see how sensitive she is to the child’s emotions, you see how she knows just what to do to get the child to smile and how soothing she is when the child is upset. That’s the kind of attitude and commitment it takes to give a proper emotional charge to your lover.

Men certainly have their faults and even though we can be emotionally daft sometimes the process of courting secretly teaches us how to emotionally charge women. Positive reinforcements like; “You’re beautiful,” “I love you” and all the things men say while charming ladies are those charges that everybody needs. Sometimes a man can say things so delightful that you feel like a deer caught in headlights, words massaging your heart so expertly that you can’t help but fall into his arms.

Looking at how most relationships form and fail you’ll notice the man exerting a lot of this “correct” energy; he will keep doing this because this makes his woman happy. Eventually fatigue will set in and the: “I love you’s” will become more and more infrequent. This is when issues arise; when the woman accuses him of having had been a lot nicer when they met and asserting that he doesn’t care about her anymore and so on. While this could have merit in many instances the woman has never given her man the right kind of charge. Because she thought it was sex, cooking and other domestic stuff she missed the opportunities to let his energy develop and circulate between them.

As I was tweeting my thoughts it came to me that lots of people don’t really know what to do with love. Sometimes I play with my father over the phone, I call him and just tell him how much I love him, how glad I am he is my dad and really lay it on thick! At first he was quite uncomfortable because he didn’t know how to deal with the love. I did the same thing with my mom and instantly I could hear her smile through the phone. I the son giving them a positive charge (affirmation.) Many families not just black families have this problem but I think with South Africa’s history the problem is more chronic in the black\coloured community.

Initially my point was that sisters don’t think it’s important or are unaware of the importance of giving this energy back so that it can circulate. After a while subconsciously it feels like this woman is taking and taking this energy and never giving any back. I suggested one should examine which they say more in their relationship: “I love you” or “I love you too”

“I love you” is a charging statement and if said sincerely is enough to keep many hearts satisfied. “I love you too.” on the other hand is more a reaction, positive certainly but still reactive. You shouldn’t keep score but I advise that the ratio be closer to even. If one person is saying 80% of the:” I love you’s” it’s a small red flag.

What got the feminists in a huff and a puff was my saying we should examine if this cheating is a symptom or if this was indeed the problem. More to the point was my questioning if some women were loving enough to their partners? Naturally, jilted women fired twissiles trying to defend their honour although if you can relate to or agree with any of what is written above we can see it’s not that black or white.

We know that there are some guys and girls who can’t be faithful for shit; but normal people can grow susceptible to cheating too. Ladies; if your man no longer gives you the love and attention he used to eventually you’ll break. It might not be sleeping with someone but you could start to make yourself emotionally available to someone else. Similarly if you are not giving your man the correct charge eventually his resolve can weaken. While I understand that you were giving him the best that you knew at the time you should ask if you were giving him the right energy. Were you using the right fertilizer?

Earlier I outlined that our emotional circuit boards are pretty much wired the same; we all leverage off the same emotional systems. Lust, attraction and attachment: Lust being primal can only be brought under control if the other two spheres are working properly. Attraction helps us distinguish between potential partners and decide if they are suitable or not and if we should pursue them or not. Finally attachment, it’s associated in the brain primarily with the neuropeptides oxytocin and vasopressin. This emotional system evolved to motivate individuals to keep their bond with their partners and is primarily linked with the raising of family.

All humans are built that way, if any of these spheres were “offline” the man or woman could find themselves meandering off into the woodwork to find something that’s missing at home. This “eco-system” of emotions is kept healthy by the positive emotional charges I have repeatedly made reference to. There are a few exceptions but generally speaking if you get cheated on realise that it’s possible that there is something you weren’t doing. As I guy I know that if my girl were to be unfaithful I would start by looking at myself and ask if I have been on top of things. I’d primarily examine if I know her emotional needs and if they are being met. Lots of times ladies don’t even know their man’s emotional needs to begin with. Then when he cheats they label him a scoundrel or just selfish while they’ve never looked at his emotional needs or how to meet them.

In addressing some of the twitter responses I’d like to say that when someone points out something that doesn’t feel right to them it’s utterly insensitive to attack a person expressing their hurt/disappointment. My saying sisters don’t give enough love should not be met by women telling me what they think is enough love for me. Name calling or flat out dismissing my feelings doesn’t help either and more likely than not helps prove my point. Truth is a lot of the time women overlook the fact that men also need emotional reassurance.

If this article draws your attention to something you were neglecting then my job here is done. Remember that no one ever taught us how to love properly, besides loving there were also no classes on how receive love. If we stepped back and asked why it is that so many men don’t know how to receive love it’s possible that lots of women didn’t think it important enough to invest time in giving these men those emotional lessons.

The high a lady gets when a bouquet of flowers arrives for them, or that special feeling she get when he pulls out her chair at the dinner table or when he gives her his jacket in the cold. When do you think ladies give men these highs or special feelings? Lots of men give off the impression they don’t have emotional needs, it’s a lie. A man being fuelled with love is as appreciative and receptive as women are to the love fuel. @yangisung said it best:

 “feels like we know what’s in the way but no one wants to move it out of the way.”

Last Saturday I finally watched ‘So What: Big Money, Big Dreams’ Kenny Kunene’s infamous reality show on etv. Before this all I knew of the man was the obvious, that he occasionally enjoyed sushi eaten off the bodies of scantily dressed models (I actually know one of them #hides), that he throws elaborate birthday parties, rolls with the who’s who of the ANC and is part owner of a posh club in Sandton that I don’t even dream of affording to frequent.

Talk about mixed feelings. On the one hand it’s extremely inspiring to see a relatively young black man, a multimillionaire with the lavish lifestyle most of us dream of as the show sets out to give us insight into this lifestyle. On the other hand the whole show seems poised to not only undermine his stature as a successful businessman, a qualified teacher and a philanthropist but to do so to some of his profundity. By this I am referring to his outlook on poverty, how it should never be glorified particularly as a black condition and how once escaped should never be returned to. I am referring to his overwhelming belief in second chances as evidenced by his commitment to giving ex-convicts jobs in one of his many companies. Also his political inclinations position him such that he not only supports financially and otherwise the ANC but he heeds their counsel. I would go as far as to call Mr Sushi a model citizen; he gives back to the poor, he is politically inclined, owns businesses that employ many a South African and exercises our freedoms in a way that reminds us that they exist.

Enter the 3litre champagne bottles, the Louis V shades, pants, and everything else (from overseas, of course), the multiracial girls in camouflage bikini’s and all the substance that makes the man is dwarfed by the colossal grandeur of his flamboyance. So, for instance, it is more than admirable that Kenny is aware that he needs to lose weight, lead a healthier lifestyle, become more active physically but all of that means nothing when the founding premise is a harmless R100 000 bet, gambling.

What moved me to respond to this episode though was Kenny’s extremely insightful views on Muammar Gaddafi as a renaissance visionary whose extremist political approaches were for the betterment of Africa as opposed to the tyrant we are led to believe he is. This is a view all Africans need to hear and understand when America and Britain bombard us with racist propaganda (I have some political inclinations of my own) but is rendered useless when made fun of by the camped up lunacy of his PA. Verdict: Heart wrenching due to lost potency.

Outside of his near mature pseudo-youthful exuberance the quality of his strong sentiments fails to reach considerable ear and spark the dialogue that it could and instead is drowned out by echoes of SO WHAT!

Writer: Malitsitso Moteane

Pics from HERE and HERE

I landed at Heathrow Airport a few minutes after 5am on the 15th, beaming and brave. After having gone through a rather churlish experience at immigration, I collected my bags. I wish I could say it was as quick as that sentence suggests. Heathrow is massive! I mean they have trams to take you from the arrivals to the baggage claim! Thanks to SA playing a bit of catch up, I had already enjoyed the privilege of riding the Gautrain and was pretty comfortable with the concept. The London underground is a monster compared to what was a two route Gautrain at the time, but surprisingly simple to navigate. So I bought an Oyster card, got onto the Piccadilly Line and set off towards central London armed with a set of directions to Rob’s place - my first host on the trip.



My first experience of the London Underground was a wee bit intimidating. I was fortunate enough to get into London during the morning rush hour. I felt like I was being swept by a river while moving from platform to platform at the stations, unable to dictate my own direction.  At every stop the train would constantly load and offload members of the working class as well as students, clad in everything from very casual outfits to what I think would be expensive suits. I’m not very fashion focused but the style of dress was immediately easy to differentiate from what I’m accustomed to seeing in Jozi. I had already started noting the differences and I was pleased about this. I eventually arrived at the Clapham Junction station, and set off on the walk to Rob’s place. It was at this point that I came to the stark realisation that Londoners WALK! For… miles! Luckily I was wearing a pair of comfortable sneakers and only had a backpack and a suitcase to carry.

There was however one item on my person which would cause me much discomfort. Now it’s at this point that I feel I need to point out that I’m black. This automatically means that I am allergic to any sort of cold weather. I had checked the weather services several times leading up to the trip and Rob had told me how warm it would be on the day I land, but despite all these facts I had been wearing a big jacket from the moment I disembarked the plane. After a few hundred metres I felt overwhelmed by the heat and proceeded to strip in the streets, removing all the other layers beneath the jacket until I was just in a t-shirt. I then pulled out my phone, plugged in the headphones and shuffled through until I found music that would complement the energy I felt as I walked the last bit to Rob’s house.

I arrived at Rob’s, set my bags down and chilled for the first time since I got off the plane. Rob is a South African fellow living in Clapham working as a music journalist. After I freshened up we headed off to central London to do some shopping and just see the place. We checked out some sneaker shops and a record store where I managed to buy a three disc Miles Davis greatest hits collection as well as a copy of Nas’ legendary Illmatic.

Rob explained to me that independent record stores are suffering and are slowly heading towards extinction. I saw some classic records in those stores – music I had never seen in tape, disc or vinyl form in South Africa – and it’s sad to think that such items which currently only exist in small stores frequented by collectors and enthusiasts would soon lose their place. The rest of the afternoon was spent trying out the bus system, checking out Trafalgar square and sampling some food at a local pub. It was soon early evening and time to pick up my bags from Rob’s place and head back to London’s Victoria station to meet with my second host for the trip, Angela.

Angela is a friend I met at University. She worked for a bank here in South Africa and transferred to the Jersey Islands in 2010. She and I decided that we would spend the weekend in London then head to the Jersey Island for a week thereafter.

We exchanged a warm greeting at the station then made our way to the hotel, checked in and went out to find some entertainment. It didn’t take us long to stumble across a performance by a band whose material consisted of a variety of well executed cover songs ranging from the Jackson 5 to ‘90s R ’n B. The event was held at The Scoop - a venue right next to the Mayor of London’s offices, housed in a peculiar looking slanted egg like building. After the great performance, we had a Thai dinner, where we relished the opportunity to catch up.

The second day in London was spent doing very touristy activities. The weather had changed from what was a typical Jozi summer experience the day before, to the London I had expected all along – wet and dreary. Our time in London was short so despite the weather we set off to see what we could. We took a ride on the London Eye, a massive Ferris wheel which has several capsules which can accommodate about 20 people each. At its peak the Eye allows one to look over London for as far as the eye can see. I could see a few miles around me but the pouring rain made it difficult to locate the different landmarks around the city. It was still an enjoyable experience – a 360 degree birds-eye view of London, perfect because I only had one more day in the city.

The sun decided to come out and play later that day and Angela and I were to meet up with Rob. We took the underground to Chelsea and walked a few miles in the affluent suburb, sighting Ferraris, Bentleys and a number of other high end vehicles. After spending a few minutes at a food market we marched on to the pub where I tried my first cider on British soil – Bulmers.

This was the first of many different ciders I sampled during the later part of my holiday. Many ciders and a resultant great conversation later, Angela and I headed to the Victoria and Albert Museum. On our way there we walked through more of Chelsea, taking many pictures and enjoying the sunshine. We made it to the V&A Museum just in time for them to close – so I took photos just to make it look like I had actually experienced the place. We then rushed off to the West End where we promptly got seated at the Lyceum Theatre for the evening’s performance of The Lion King. This was followed by a long night of drinking with the locals, and an even longer nervous scuffle to try find the right bus stop where we would get our ride back to the hotel.

Day three in London wasn’t all that spectacular.  After spending some time in Sandton-like traffic on a London tour bus and walking through more rain I was ready to move on. We made our way to Gatwick Airport where we would catch a short flight to the Jersey Islands.

Tales of the rest of the trip will be in part two.

Writer: Phuti Tang Kgano 

Pics from Tang

The physical mechanics of attraction are a bit more detailed than erect nipples and penises of course. There are pheromones, dilated pupils, shortened breath and in women could be accompanied by an involuntary rising of the vocal pitch. Even in men the same involuntary rising of the vocal pitch occurs and is sometimes accompanied by blushing and acute embarrassment. These physical reactions to attraction are just that; physical reactions. As this happens your mind has to play catch up with your body’s desire to heighten its chance of exposure to this stimulus that makes it feel so good.

Mentally we want to align ourselves with these people, we want them to accept us but more than accept us we want them to like us. Being liked by someone means that you can enter their space without making them feel pressured. The object of your desire acknowledges your presence and enjoys it too.

Getting someone to like you can be as simple or as complicated as you want to make it. We all know stories of boys who joined the choir or the drama club because the girl they fancied fancied that same thing. Equally we know of girls who pretended to like cricket or soccer or some other boyish activity as a way in. Getting liked is the first stop along the way to satisfying your body’s initial request.  

Once you have completed level one you set about trying make your way through level two:

Making them want you.

I’m a bit biased and convinced that women have an easier time with level two. Women have an arsenal of trinkets to help in this regard.

In my teens I met V, who would eventually be my first love, within a few minutes of meeting her I knew that my liking her was certain. I was kind of sure that she liked me too, besides it’s not like I’d stepped up to her. Her and her friends had called me out from across foyer. We exchanged smiles, pheromones and numbers and my path to getting her to want me included things. Things like motorbike bike rides to isolated farmsteads where we’d “find” a secret picnic basket I had left there earlier that day.

Her path was a lot shorter; it was a smile. A smile, a call, a visit and a mini-skirt; a little bit of cleavage for good measure and I was sold.

While being mostly physical, intimacy is supported by the apparatus of level three. Level three is love, intimate love, exclusivity, being favoured above all others and the rest of it. Although it seems that level two produces tangible results ie: sex. It’s all in aid of reaching this third level.

Where lots of women and men go wrong is that they try take short cuts, people think they can skip the first level and go straight into the physical reward of things. Because money and power turn (many) women on men use those exact tools to attract women. On the other foot because boobs and bums turn men on women will use those very same tools. The problem is that you end up sleeping with someone you’re not sure if you like or not. You’re sure you’re attracted to them but don’t know them enough to know if you like them or not. You hope that after this physical trade they’ll reveal something you like enough to keep you around and as a long shot hope they have something in them you can love.

Sometimes this way of doing things can work out but more often than not it doesn’t. These two/three month relationships are a by-product of skipping step one. It's called learning down the line that you’re in a relationship with a total dickhead. Another problem is that it’s very easy to confuse like, want and love. The physical reactions I mentioned earlier are so overwhelming that both logic and emotions can get confused and/or compromised.

In a world of fast cars, fast internet, fast talkers and even faster women the desire to get fast results gets us into fast loves. Kim Kardashiens marriage was so fast 3 months wasn’t long enough. It’s worth our while to examine our intentions when we enter or want to enter relationships. We know our desires can blind us, and I’m sure you’ve also pushed away someone who had Nothing But Love For You [RIP Heavy D]

I attached this snippet by Nonku Phiri called All I Got. I did this because it reminded me that love still existed. That there were still people who didn’t have much more than a heart filled with love to share. Their hope that it would be enough. She said it better than I could ever say; she sang:

“I can make you like me, but it don’t mean you want me. I can make you want me but it don’t mean you love me”

• Cape Town to Maputo (1622km)
• Johannesburg to Maputo (602km)

Currency:

• Metical (met-ee-kash)
• R1 = 4M

Languages

• Portuguese
• Spanish
• English

Accomodataion: Hotel 2001

It was an inebriated decision and a good one at that.  He would leave for Maputo the following evening with a sponsored bus ticket and R20 for the week (South African).

Having just returned from the Kalahari, he was excited to see the lush coast of Africa and the multitude diverse inhabitants that nestle against her bosom. Three hours outside of Gauteng and you could noticeably see the difference between ons en hulle. After eight hours you’ve somehow been transported to a natural wonderland full of friendly faces & fantastic fruits.

The terrain changed height and width with every kilometre travelled. A few mountains here  and maybe a farm or two there. Little huts scattered across the land like roulette chips on a wool blanket.  The sky couldn’t decide on a mood for the day and was currently struggling between a brooding, dark cloud coverage and a welcome-to-paradise sunshine-filled smile.

He couldn’t help but notice the way in which the more remote inhabitants live is a testimony to love, support and years of wisdom being dealt around from earth stained hands to salty-fishy-scaly hands.

After arriving at 7am and finding his hotel; he took a nap until 10am and by 5pm he had a job for the week, extra accommodation if his current digs didn’t work out as well as a free Mozambican sim card.

The Hotel 2001 (otel doisch-mill-lee-yon) would be the base for his week of exploration.  A beautiful hotel always bustling with guests and locals’ alike drinking espressos and conversing in at least 5 different languages on the veranda overlooking the busy main road that leads to the city centre.

A large, white church dominates the city centre. Being a lover of the old he couldn’t resist the pull of the church. He walked around in wonderment in the gigantic hall. The Ten Commandments were carved pieces of art from a tree forgotten by time. The Portuguese in which it is written has a flow of a thousand rivers. As he looks at these old tablets he sees a way up. Way up.

The proprietor of the church didn’t speak English so all he could muster as a question was ‘arriba?’ which, literally means ‘up’. She nodded and led him to a door which she unlocked from the hip, a solemn gunslinger if ever there was one.

He started his ascent with a 720 degree staircase which leads to a little balcony connecting the second set of stairs. There are windows on every landing so his view was unhindered. A view which he didn’t really give any attention to as he found himself surrounded by church bells made in the 1940’s and inscribed with Mother Maria’s, Portuguese scribbles, saints & creatures of faith.

He passed the relics, stepped out onto the penultimate balcony of the church and was blown away by what his eyes were trying to tell him.

The whole of Maputo lay spread out before him. A smorgasbord of architecture, culture, flora & aqua. To his right was the border separating our two homes. To his left was the rest of the city & the hills that punctuate the sprawling city. Behind him was the government sector which shares a main road with the ghetto. A ghetto which is not a ghetto. Designer shops and bistros line the streets of this derelict section asof dit niks is nie.

In front of him, like a penny on tarmac or a piece of lint on a satin dress; lay the island of Katemba. He didn’t know it yet but this was where he would find a means to his madness. A place of discovery: not only of the surroundings but the inhabitants and his own self.

He went from the church to the harbour. Rough men speaking softly, holding hands. Owners surveying their vessels, joking with employees. A friend over for lunch, bringing news out of Africa.

From the harbour, he scurried to and from the various artist centres. Paintings & sculptures line some of their walls. Pieces made out of old guns & ammunition recline on the floor. Monsters roam the roofs on their way to being tamed, to becoming mythical creatures.

All the while he’s been learning Portuguese, adding to his Spanish and embracing a culture that is as deep with emotion as it is wide with love.

He found a friend in a local artist who just returned from a seven year stint in New York. Vilar couldn’t help but shake his head in disbelief as the boy told him where he’s been walking around.

Walking into the nearby bushes was apparently considered suicide, seeing as a lot of the poorer & more desperate people live there. After being told of what really happens in the bush, the boy laughed from the bottom of his belly. True, there were a few poor people in the bushes but the bulk of the population welcomed him to share their fire and were intrigued by the boy with his silly boots.

The following day Vilar took the boy and his friend across the river to Katemba. 20 meticash & 30 minutes later they stepped off of the ferry. They walked around the island buying freshly caught seafood, dusk farmed vegetables & locally made jewellery.

After a quick discussion with one of the local shop owners the trio started preparing the food under an awning looking out on the bay and the city of Maputo. They talked & laughed as it rained sporadically. The shop owner helped with the preparation, cooking and language lessons. They ate for hours. Something here, a little chilli on this, maybe crab & shrimp on this?

The beach was scattered with old boats, some written off for good, some in limbo between disrepair & glorious restoration. The people were friendly and always willing to help. An old man befriended him and invited him for drinks. Various artists asked him to stay and help create. He asked the same of them for a future venture.

His last night was spent with Vilar & his friend eating at a film director’s house. The lady of the house, without fail, feeds & entertains at least 40 people every Thursday. Out of these 40 people you would be hard pressed to find one with the same occupation. They are all creative executives in their own right. The stories he heard & the adventures promised to him were overwhelming in their quantity & originality.

He left the following morning. Having spent 5 days in this most diverse country he couldn’t help but wonder if he was spoiled for South Africa and if he’d ever see the beauty in his own cities as he used to. Maputo left a mark of love & creativity on his soul. It left him with a kiss on the forehead and a promise of more. Later.

 Writer: Waldo Schafli

video courtesy of Waldo

• Who is Monique Dass?

I am a hard working ambitious female who migrated from the Caribbean 10 years ago and overcame many obstacles in the USA. Even though, I experienced a difficult transition into the American culture I was determine to go to school to gain a college education and live the American dream. I recently graduated with my second masters in homeland security.

• How did Apparel Jam come into being?

Appareljam is a continuation of my Jam sunglasses line which was established in 2011. jamsunglasses began as a hobby last year march. My family saw my talent, creativity and encouraged me to transition my designing into a business.

• Appareljam is distinctive and futuristic, what/who inspires your designs?

Apparel J.A.M fuses the American culture with a touch of Harajuku Tokyo street fashion. This style is illustrated through vibrant neon and metallic colors and transcends a melody of unique western-asian visual kei that is increasingly popular among our generation. 

• Where have we seen Jam Sunglasses?

 Apparel Jam has been featured in Style Italy; Kiss Magazine; Idol Magazine; BET Rip the Runway; Ceelo Green pre-grammy party; LisaRaye fashion show; The Real McCoy -season 2- Episode 5, E tv Holly's world Media Takeout; and more.

• What are some of the sugar & spice things that make you enjoy being a woman?

Falling in love with the right soul mate while having a pair of shoes that make your feet look beautiful. I love shoes, I own over 200 pairs of shoes. Looking into creating shoe designs in the future.

• Who is your ultimate style icon and why?

 My style icon is Rihanna she was first known for her “good girl” appeal, then she transformed into a fierce edgy good girl gone bad. She stays sexy and unique in style and captures the hearts of her fans. She defined the image of an American rock star. And created trends that young Americans idolize.

• If you could be anyone’s personal stylist for a day, who would it be?

 I would like to style Nicki Minaj her outfits are colorful, fun and represents her persona. She is also from the Caribbean and I would be honored to dress both rihanna and nicki as they are living the American dream.

• What constitutes fulfillment for you?

I would like to see my clothing in vogue teen. In terms of my media fulfillment, I would also like to own commercial stores in the next 5 years. I would like appareljam to be the trendsetter; fashionista should come to appareljam to stay updated with the new fashion must haves.

For more info visit: Apperal Jam

Too see more designs visit: Etsy

Firstly; as a thinking person its only right that you learn the people you have in your life. If you did something that hurt or offended someone you probably know it already. Sometimes you feel a change in your relationship, they could pull away or you could just start having higher rate of fall-outs and so on. It obviously depends on what you did but the rule of thumbs is that it’s always better to resolve a matter as soon as it arises.

Jilted people sometimes have a habit of overthinking things or internalising their anguish, if not some are known to lash out fiercely. Either way these people are processing their pain and often the inflictors do nothing to try and soothe it. A simple: “What’s wrong?” is sometimes all one has to do to start healing things.

For example when a talkative friend starts giving you one word answers, when your lover no longer wants to hold your hand, when your child doesn’t run to greet you when you get home anymore; as a thinking person you should know something's up. When you don’t address issues the hurt person thinks that you don’t really care, and if left unattended for long enough someone who cherished you can turn around and resent you.

Most of the time when an intelligent person plays dumb is because they know they have messed up. Other times they know that acknowledging the issue will open a can of worms and they are scared to hear what’s going to be said. Ask yourself first: would you rather have a longstanding relationship collapse because you played dumb or would you rather have some tense moments and let the relationship survive? Reality is that the more time people spend together, the more they learn each other. It therefore becomes harder to play dumb with someone who knows you; in fact playing dumb to someone who knows you is downright insulting I would think.

Relationships don’t just end out of the blue, and while it’s understood that people make mistakes it’s unfair to expect someone to keep letting you off the hook for the same thing. Transgressions aside if it’s your lover or friend you'd know that one incident is never enough to bring a longstanding relationship to a screeching halt. You must then examine past issues and figure out whether or not they were dealt with properly, *remember your being over something doesn’t mean the other person is*. Add to that take stock of how you've been treating your lover or friend of late. Do you still tell them you love them, or that they are beautiful/handsome, do you still give them a kiss whenever you meet?

We get complacent and assume that certain people will always be there because they love us, yet if we aren’t doing anything to sustain that love/friendship surely it will die. Many people are willing to forgive and often do, except the thing about forgiveness is that it’s just like help. Forgiveness will not chase you down the road asking if you want it. You have to be mature enough to know when to ask for forgiveness or help

In my life I am pretty aware of the energy I receive from friends and family and because of that I can normally work out their motivations for certain actions. I also try getting a sense of what’s important to someone close and make sure I never forget it. I remember what they’re like so I can know when they're acting out of character or simply so that I can gauge their emotional state. This habit of being observant and paying attention has the drawback that sometimes I see people’s true nature. I don’t always like what I see and after learning someone’s nature I also have to make a call whether these people are worthy of being called friends\lovers or even worth having in my life.

One time I played dumb on an interpersonal level and I kept a friend who charged me with so much negative energy I nearly started believing some of the negative things they'd say about me. It took meeting someone who gave me a positive charge to realise that I had been playing dumb too, I had played dumb because I was scared that I’d hear how little of a shit they really gave about me. By virtue of not playing dumb anymore I was able to see things for what they were and letting go of my one sided friendship became a breeze.

Ladies, when you finally tell that man its over it's because you've stop playing dumb about his late night antics, you see he’s become comfortable and has stopped giving you the love you liked. You see that he’s turned into an asshole and you wonder why you put up with him so long. I will tell you something for free: we all do it. We all play dumb because somehow we believe it will spare our feelings, save us from criticism or even worse will keep that person around.

Playing dumb is a reflex one engages when faced with complex or unfavourable emotional frequencies. A good way to retard ones “play dumb” reflex is to be honest with yourself, be realistic about the emotions people feed you, remember them. Remembering how people made you feel will let you know when they have changed. When you see that change see it for what it is and not what you’d like it to be, after all we’re ridding ourselves of the habit of playing dumb

@s1zwe

A walkabout is defined as a short period of wandering bush life engaged by an Australian aborigine as an occasional interruption of regular work

Some time in my early years of high school we read a book called ‘The Walkabout’ by James Vance Marshall. It's a story set in the backdrop of the rite of passage of a young Aborigine boy called a walkabout. I'm not sure if at the time the thought of wandering the bush on one's own, relying on primal instincts for survival and sustenance; imploring ones ancestors to guide your path and sleeping under the stars was at all appealing. Back then I used to get lost in stories; all that mattered was the thrill that would unfold on the next page. I was oblivious to my own life; its purpose didn’t matter beyond the thrill on the next page.

Now, with the year drawing to a close, my career on the verge of taking off and 25 knocking, no banging at my door no thought seems sweeter than that of a walkabout, some me-time to take a long hard look at myself. To take stock of who I’ve become and to check if this is who I actually want to be. I think everyone needs to go on a solitary holiday, a walkabout at least once in their lives.

So I'm going on my walkabout this December, in Mpumalanga and Limpopo. Okay, so obviously I don't intend to fish, dig up roots or pick berries for my dinner, nor do I intend to camp, I am black after all. But I certainly intend to be surrounded by the most exquisite of scenery. I want have my breath taken away by God's window. I want to sit under a baobab tree and get lost in stories again. I want to visit the rain queen and see if she has any bright ideas on my path. Of course I want to do the girly things too, like hang out in the spa, eat pretty looking food, do yoga at sunset and meditate to the rising African sun but the real purpose of this walkabout is to find myself.

So true the essence of this blog, friends celebrate life and walkabout!

Writer: Malitsitso Moteane

Pics from HERE and HERE  and HERE

We drove to the airport with my cousin, chilled for breakfast and eventually said our goodbyes after him teasing me about me finding a random stranger to join the mile high club with because I was on the same flight with a group of male athletes. Ten hours later I landed in a very hot and humid Kuala Lumpur at 6am with temperatures of about 33 degrees. I was a bit disappointed that my friend wasn’t holding up a board with my name on it when I finally spotted her, I just wanted to have a movie moment, hahaha. The first thing she asked me was whether i have her SA magazines, Ghost pops, Nik Naks and Fanta Orange, its the little things one misses i guess. The drive from the airport was lined with palm trees and a lot of toll gates. We got home, shared some gossip, slept a couple of hours, freshened up and later on in the evening we went club hoping, Naija music seems to be popular everywhere. Now I have been to a fair amount of clubs and I rarely felt overdressed in a pair of pants and top like I did that night. S/O to all the ladies who can make it through the night in stilettos and a skimpy outfit.  

Schools were closed so we planned a trip with the guys to the Island of Langkawi, a five hour bus drive from Kualar Lumpur.  We arrived in Kuala Perlis and took a ferry to Lankawi, checked in and hit the streets for lunch and fulfilled our mission of finding a vibey place to drink the night away; we found a club called SunBar. The next day we chilled most of the day at the beach nursing our hangovers.

One of the guys we were with suggested we go parasailing, so he and I signed up while the rest of the guys continued basking in the sun. Once I was geared and strapped up I regretted my decision as the bout went off pulling me into the air with me almost dying from fear. About a minute into my flight I calmed down and my breath was taken away by the beautiful sight of the island from up there.  It was an awesome feeling.

Once the excitement wore off, we made our way to the fish spa.  Having tiny fish nibbling at your feet feeding on your dead cells is in my books the most ticklish experience you can ever have. It was a good laugh. We missed the last ferry leaving the island and had to spend another night in Langkawi which was a bummer because I had two more days before flying back home.

We got back to KL and spent the day touring the town, and shopping. I realized then just how much China had made my shopping experience a bit monotonous shopping because most of the clothes and items there I could get on Small Street down town Jozi. I managed to find the most gorgeous bag and shoes though. We came across a Buddhist at the mall and I just have to have a pic with him. During or walk around town I couldn’t help but notice just how hot Arabic men are in Malaysia, gaawd damn, I wasn’t really impressed with Malaysian men though.

I wasn’t brave enough to try their indigenous foods but their Nando’s has to be the best that I’ve ever had.  One thing that I loved about the people that I met is that they spoke Sesotho as they were studying there from SA, Lesotho and Botswana. Upon my return, some friends asked me what words I learnt while there and innocently I replied, Abang which means brother and Garum meaning salt, you can imagine all the sexual connotations I was faced with because of that single word. I plan on going back before my friend and family move back home and this time ill know better than to stay a week. 

This has been a good year on the road for me. Got into the new year while back packing in Cape Town, went cruising to Moz and the Portugal Island in Feb, skiing in Lesotho in June and then Malaysia. im gonna stay grounded for a long while.  

What are the sugar & spice things that make you enjoy being a woman?
I don't know about sugar and spice. For me, being a woman is not a handicap or an edge I have in life. It's natural. It's me, and I enjoy being me because I've never been anyone else.

Who are the Women that inspire you in the music industry?
There are too many to even express. Along the years they've chopped and changed, but artists like Erykah Badu, Sade, Simphiwe Dana, Lauryn Hill, Thandiswa Mazwai, Nina Simone and Queen Ifrika...just to mention a few.

What has been the best highlight of your career to date?
I've had a few good moments, and I'm grateful for all of them. The one that stands out to me right now though is the completion of my album, finally. Putting it together hasn't been a piece of cake, so I'm happy that it's done. It's a huge highlight for me.

When can we expect your debut album, who will you be working with?
My debut album entitled, Iintombi-zifikile, will be launched on the 26th November 2011 in Cape Town. The cd will be available at selected music stores. I've worked with a few dope producers namely Mananz, Elnino, Planet Earth, Simiato Matk, Soulpros, JB and Digi-Analog. The artists featured are Driemanskap, Korianda, Jimmy Flexx, Lady Slice, Souljazpros, Kritsi YeSpaza and Khanyisile Mbongwa. Let's just say, there's a lot going on in the album.

See Kanyi performing Lamazwi below

Listen to Ingoma below:

http://soundcloud.com/user9255220/kanyi-ingoma-kanyi

pics taken HERE and on FB

I was mentally inclined to anything, if they were to make us crush in at a Maasai's hut for the weekend, yeah! so be it! Whatever! I am at the cradle of mankind, Africa! (laughs). The plane ride was 4hours long and interesting, sitting next to Mr. Ali, who was advising that for every drinks order we make, save one shot for later when we get to the hotel.

"Karibu! (Welcome) we have landed to a beautiful 27 degrees, thank you for flying with SAA" says our enchanting pilot. Whew! A sigh of relief, I thought we were going to land to a 40 degree congested destination, you will never know, this is East Africa man!

Touchdown Dar Es Salaam, Julius Nyerere Airport! My first experience in Tanzania was taking a gulp of thick air, the humidity was overwhelming, the contrast between where I came from and where I was, exciting! That’s what I wanted, raw African'ess!

The ride to the hotel made me appreciate even the number one reckless taxi driver in Johannesburg, South Africa. It seems like every driver was inaugurating their own road rules as they go, the fact that traffic lights are rare dramatized the whole situation.

Arrival at the hotel (The Golden Tulib, right next the beach) was time for one’s personality discrimination skills to either fail you or lead you to the cool people whom you will hang around with for the next ten days, well that's how I saw it. Minutes after dinner the group was already divided into two, of course the cool ones stayed up all night to pop bottles (here we introduce drinks like Serengeti and Kilimanjaro) and the reserved ones knew what was good for them, "ba bona sentle gore ba ise marapo gobeng" sleep. It was a beautiful, long rainy night, or though the rain did not have any effect on the temperature, for some reason I kept thinking that if anyone farts, that gas is going to chill stationed for at least two days before oxygen arrives.

By good fortune, I do not get hang overs. Fresh morning to go meet the South African High Commissioner in Tanzania H E Mr Chiliza, who set the mood for this tour by telling us his side of the story during the times of apartheid. It is always good to hear it from the horses mouth. The stories he told made me realize that we have come a long way as a nation and we need to ignite within ourselves the same drive and determination that our forefathers had when they travelled through rivers, farms and stateliness to follow a dream of education and liberation.

A good four hours drive through the crowded, insane traffic and busy markets of Dar Es Salaam past the banana groves following Uluguru mountains we were hitting the next town, Morogoro, the home of Solomon Mahlangu Freedom College. The apex of this tour was about to begin, either I was getting used to the weather or the air was just easy on the lungs 200km inland. We joined the group that left us behind over the weekend because we had to attend a meeting with the South African Minister of Public Enterprises, Hon Mr Malusi Gigaba.

All I could say after the tour was "what happened to ANC? Where is the willpower in the youth of South Africa?" Somafco was built through determination, teamwork spirit, recruiting teachers, builders and using all the necessary skills that they had. The graveyards, which reflect a wonderful skill of architecture, were designed by Ntate Johannes Phungulo a.k.a PastFour, a man who was uneducated. Most journeys to exile were painful and had to be disguised. They were desperate, they needed to recruit each other and start something, save themselves. They were driven by oppression, at least they were driven by something, a lot of young people today have no vision, simply because they have almost everything they need at their fingertips.

We visited Solomon Mahlangu Primary School, which was being renamed to Chief Albert Luthuli Primary School. A lot of schools, buildings and streets are named after their struggle heroes, which is good and preserves the heritage of the country. We spent most of the morning dancing, the pupils sang for us and we did the same. Then we started painting, while the rest of the group was painting parts of the school, I gathered a group of creative from the group to paint a mural of Chief Albert Luthuli which was a success. It was our last day in Morogoro and the following day we were heading to Dar es Salaam to catch a Ferry to Zanzibar. So it was a very emotional day between us and the people of Morogoro.

We had to have an early morning so to catch the 12 O'clock Ferry in Dar Es Salaam, 4 to 5 hours drive back to the coast. Most people in the bus were hung over, some smelling like anger and shame, so it was a very quiet, mind your own business and sleep kind of journey. What happened in MoroGhost stays in MoroGhost. It was wonderful all I wanted to do was take pictures. Click click my way to Dar Es Salaam and then BOOOM! To my surprise, before our arrival, my camera decides to shut down, I had charged the batteries, offloaded everything from the card “This isn't happening, not on our way to Zanzibar”, I shrieked. One would think someone is trying to pull some black magic. So Jenine, a photographer I met from Cape Town, tells me not to panic, that it has happened to her before and it will come back. Sadly, to this day, my camera has not recovered.

We arrived at the harbor, and once again we were ushered by the rain, still made no difference to the hot weather though. So imagine if MTN a.k.a Noord taxi rank was a harbor neh! yeah! chaos and all. We survived, next thing we had boarded and sailing our way to Zanzibar. I didn't want to sit down, the sea made me feel like an ant in a fish pond, as we sailed further away from the land I felt like we were contained in a fish tank, like a pet, I could feel a power so divine closer to me.  So I stood outside staring at the water for a good two hours, also mourning my camera, I was not happy the fact that there was no one or nothing to blame made it worse, dejection.

Habari! Zanzibar, we had arrived, so we sorted out our VISAs got on the buses, now we were getting a taste of luxury "where were these spacious buses when we needed them in those 5 hour long drives?" You know the typical humbled, dreamy reaction that people have when they arrive at the hotels in movies? I’m sure you can get an idea of how everybody reacted when they arrived at Sea Cliff Hotel, my knees got weak. Felt really special, no randomly selecting rooms, we had personal letters waiting for us "Habari, Masego your hotel room number is as follows", hot Tanzanian guys pulling my bags there while I admire the sea view from the pool sipping on Sugar cane juice, I could already foresee Konyaki, Serengeti and Kilimanjaro later that night. These were the local drinks, first time you hear someone say Kongaki you would actually think they mean Cognac But No! It's an abusive type of vodka that fucks you up so quick simply because its not that bitter, so you rest assured drinking a lot because it does not have a strong taste, yes! someone compared it to an abusive husband at a point of no return drunkenness.

That night was party time, let go now, or forever hold your stuckup-ness until we get to SA. Went to a club that played Mafikizolo and some good reggae music. I had never partied wearing one piece of cloth but hey we in Zanzibar.  We danced, drank, and danced some more. We visited Stone Town the next morning where we bought most of our souvenirs. Two nights later we sailed back to Dar Es Salaam to spend one more night in Tanzania then catch a flight back home. We were taking back with us, stories, friendships, love, knowledge, and enthusiasm in everything we do.

I have brought back mad love for my continent, my country, my black brothers (laughs), new friends, and appreciation of every little thing I have achieved especially academically. We've come a long way and we don't need to be oppressed to have the same willpower to building a better future for ourselves. Our history is enough to make us want to do and learn more for our future.

Plus, I got bitten by the travel bug. I am patiently planning my next journey far out of the country and very high above the ground.

Writer and photographer: Caprisel

Who is Mfundo Mkhize?

A contradiction! He is wild yet humble. Funny and funny looking,  he is sweet yet aggressive. Creative and great to chill with but not on a long trip because I tend to get under peoples skin.

 How has life been after the coke ad?

Its up and down. I got to work on some heartwarming projects, some funny ones and I've gotten to travel. I really think I've grown and still growing in my craft but beyond the work I'm really enjoying being me. I realized that you only have one life and the way to enjoy it is to understand your situation and know how you want it to change and then execute. So where I'm at in terms of career is not quiet where i want to be but my personal life is great and I'm glad I'm no longer famous.

 What are you working on now?

Well i'm pitching for different commercials and trying to write a screenplay which is turning out to be harder than I thought.

 If budget was not a constrain, what production would you work on that you’ve been thinking of for a while

 its an action adventure I dont want to give it away now but I'm pretty sure if it came out it would shock the crap out of any South afican audience member. I also wanted to make the first south african Sci-fi but Neill blomkamp killed my dream. I do think that if budget wasn't

Whats the weidest/funny comment you’ve had from a fan?

 Someone once said "He looks bigger in real life. I thought he'd be cleaner."

Whats the one thing that grinds u nuts?

People who dont live. Girls that expect you to read there minds.

Which show in SA do u think has the worst production?

SABC!!!!!!!!

See the Coke Ad that Mfundo produced below.

 pics taken HERE and HERE

What are the sugar & spice things that make you enjoy being a woman?

Falling in love, be it with a soulmate or with a pair of shoes. Shopping in all its forms. Being taken care of and taking care of loved ones.

Who are the Women that inspire you?

All women inspire me. Their stories, their journeys, their dreams, their nightmares, their smiles, their joy. Notable among them:

My best friend, Lineo Tsikoane, she shares my dreams and her unwavering faith and trust in me inspires me to love and be loved and to strive to believing them.

My mother, she loved me first and thus taught me that I am worthy of love. My family of mothers, 'Me Mamojaje, 'Me Maggie, 'Mangoane. They remind me  that I am African and that one doesn't have to birth me to be my mother.

Reports show that Math teachers in high school  aren't very clued up
about the subject, Why did u choose to go into teaching?

That's exactly why I chose to go into teaching. I have a natural talent and appreciation for the subject and I'm a natural teacher, to be honest I think I'm a better teacher than I was a student. 

I think mathematics is beautiful and I believe it can make sense to everyone if they are afforded the time and patience necessary to make sense of it and are challenged enough to find the subject useful.

What's the weirdest/funniest thing a student has ever said to you?

I'm not sure if it the funniest but it's the one that depressed me so much I had to laugh. I had a student who had an attention problem, he had been particularly difficult that lesson and I stepped outside to have a word with him. I gave a whole speech about how he needs to get his act together for his own sake, how his parents paid a lot of money to get him an education, blah blah blah. At the end of it all, all he said to me was "Ma'am you are missing three of your decorative buttons"!

She has fallen from grace as the gorgon giant,

causing erratic earthquakes,

fuming the feminine fury of mother earth in period pains.

Vomiting on the abyss like volcanic eruptions,

magma loving the soil and leaving

the apparently blue ocean with bleeding heart stains.

She has run away from home

and found belonging in the pits of Acheron,

where the globes are gloomy like satanic popes,

ostracizing disobedient saints.

Reveling and rejuvenating their morose fantasies

through abducting nuns and restricting them in spiritual chains.

She has travelled to a far-away land where she can never come back

because there aren’t any Gautrains or Mango planes

Mango planes or… Gautrains…

She fell while sky-diving of the cliff of mount Parnassus and flew,

as the morning bird piercing through the clouds and swallowing the dew.

Frosted heart warmed by the sunlight

because once again she’ll play with her aquatic friends

even though they are quite few.

She bungee jumped off the emotional bridge

between her and her and father,

who recreatively tortures mother within her sensitive view.

Trying hard to keep the melody of agony screams

From reaching her vulnerable ears,

who’s drums are beaten with songs of sorrow and melodic subdue.

Writer: Fragment Ofda Youniverse

Illustrations: Showboat Entertainment, Alice Library & 123RF

After that my house mate, one of our boys (who also happens to be our resident chauffer) and I went to Xolanis’ place (We met Sizwe at the first dinning session we hooked up, so this thing really works). The plan was to hang out from around eleven then later on in the night we’d hit the clubs. Since Xolani lives just off the famous Florida road we figured it’s a good enough idea (mind you we, at this point, had ditched all the women who came to our dinning session). Upon arriving at Xolanis’ place the plans changed to nursing Amstel beers and some Vodka, reading architecture books and surfing the net all in the company of some good music, the likes of Cinematic Orchestra and such. Part of the change of plans was due to miscommunication over the phone and some fellas either getting cold feet or falling asleep on us.
This went on till 4:15am. Like all good things we ended the gathering and our chauffer drove us home.

Saturday: having slept under four hours the day began, I ran errands then met up with everyone at another friend’s house warming later in the evening. It was a blast, so were the people there. Xolanis’ and his fellas showed face then quickly disappeared. After that gathering, my house mate and I found ourselves at another friends place. We kicked back and had crazy conversations till after 2am at her spot (she has a beautiful house by the way, with a frickin pool).

I wake up Sunday and I realised that I left my phone in one of my female friends car.

My house mate had just misplaced his phone Friday so we didn’t have her number. Luckily his back up phone had our chauffeurs’ number. So I hit my boy up and told him to cook that girl’s number. I get a hold of her and she promises to drop it off after work. I call my boy back and he tells me we must meet in town. I shower, get dressed and head towards town. I get to town and I can’t see dude where we were supposed to meet. I pull out cash head to a pay phone and when I get to it I realise that besides my mother, there is no one’s number I know off by heart. Damnit! I pace around the area for a good thirty minutes trying to either remember his number or bump into him or someone who has his number. My weekend cant end like this, I left home with plans of sealing it off with a light braai somewhere and hopefully finally holla at a girl. I haven’t done that in a while hey.

After sometime of walking around like a headless chicken wondering how the heck I managed this shit before matriculating (That’s when I received my first phone) I gave up and headed home. So yesterday I was telling him what happened and dude here took no pity at my sudden turn for a sour day. To him this was about the fact that I call myself a friend and don’t even know his number off by heart. He continued to recite my number, his brother’s number and two of our friends. He tells me he knows all the numbers of people who are important to him.

I’ve always assumed that the friendship I hold with my friends meant a lot. Well at least it meant a lot to me, but no one had ever in my life said it. It scared the living day lights out of me. Friendship though it means the same thing to everyone is perceived and portrayed in many ways by individuals and to my friend it was me knowing his number off  by heart, so he could be the first I call when shit hits the fan.  So when I got Mosa’s email yesterday wondering why I’d gone silent on the CL family I realised that besides the fact that I had so many opportunities to, I never got laid this weekend and my disinterest in pursuing women on an intimate level is starting to scare the hell out of me, plus I still need to clear up from my point of view what it means to be someone’s friend. In the meantime I’m memorising my boys’ digits just in case he hits me with a spot test next time I see him. I don’t want to disappoint him with the same thing twice.

Writer: Olwethu Bandezi

What I love most about Lebo Mathosa is that her personality was so spellbinding that once you listen to her music, watch her videos or live shows you feel like you know her personally.

Thank you for the music Lebo and for helping me celebrate this lovely day.

There was nothing that could've prepared us for this…

I wish I could abort the pain that she hides behind her brave front and rolls on the basement of her soul. I want to gently undress her, strip her of worry, like Eve before the apple in Adams throat. I want to carry her on my back, to hold her chain up, to stroke her face and make her proud. I want to take the tears from her eyes and turn them into joy. I want to wrap her in my arms and protect her.

She takes my hands, pulls me into her and then down on bended knees to we go. We bow our heads and she says the Lord’s Prayer, her voice: shaky yet so, so faithful and silent tears fall from her eyes.

The days are gloomy and the nights unkind. She sits drinking tea, because that is all her stomach can stomach. Vibrations on my skin as the memories of her laughter bounce off it. Bubble gum smiles and cupcake hugs then we soak in our warm wishes but our moment is interrupted when her hand reaches for the bucket that waits readily for her. It’s the third bucket this hour, the first took her pride, the second her beauty and this one her personality.

Her nipples hard as rocks, as they poke out of her silk robe, nipples of breasts that once nursed me to life and the very bosom that pillowed may a head is now rendered futile .

I look at her and don’t recognise her… her skin at least four shades darker than usual, her lips dry, teeth frail from the acid of vomit, her tongue heavy and her body a shell itself. I look at her and don’t recogise her… but I see myself in her eyes and her strength shines through. I invite her to share with me what might be a last dance and I play a song soulful beyond its words. I hold her so tightly to me that I can feel my nails pierce into her flesh and hope she can’t hear the sound of my heart break.

Although I’m in a constant state of disbelief I resist asking why her? Why my mom? Because whose mom if not mine?

I push past my tears, anger, prayers and fears so I can tell her “I love you, I need you and I will put you back together again…”

I could spend the rest of my life stealing half a pair of everyone’s shoes but what good would that bring to my life?

Prevention is one of the most important cancer fighting tools and early detection could be your first step to winning the battle against cancer. Let’s educate and protect ourselves. Remember moles can be cancerous too.

Live Now | Celebrate Life

Photograper: A. M Duggan-Cronin

Visit The Cancer Association of South Africa website for more info

Or call them on 0800 226 622

But when there are emotions?

Deep. Emotions?

Ignore her. She’ll go away.

No, she won’t.

She never will.

You hear it all the time. They won’t leave ______ for you.
But when you’re feeling enough for the both of you AND your friends combined, who’s to convince you you won’t be the exception to the rule if you (and here’s the good part) Just. Be. Patient.

Patience. A strong word.

On the one hand, you’re exposed to a world of men you don’t want

On the other hand, it’s been years and years of waiting – in and out of relationships – for something like this one who’s got one and who’s got you. Somebody who is fun. Somebody who is kind. Somebody who listens. Somebody who’s fantastic in bed. Someone who knows what the what is

Not saying it justifies anything. Just giving the reasons why some people will be a side dip for an eternity.

Sometimes it’s more about the person, than what they bring to the table.

Sometimes it’s about Heart.
Them being already involved is just a circumstance, another hurdle.

You never think people invest in The Other Woman as much as they do the main squeeze, which may be right. But what they brings to the mistresses is the stuff that the main squeeze cannot handle correctly. Which is why it ends up in your lap.

Strippers always say men will go to the strip club and pay for a dance, but all they really want to do is talk. The mistress knows of this.

So there you all are sharing everything, unbeknownst to one party in the Trinity.

And I know. There will be women who will say something like, “Why is she typing this.”  ... Well. Isn’t it obvious?

Because we all know what I’m talking about. Even the most INNOCENT girl I know has been the other woman.

The mistress thinks, when she see’s her lover, the taken man, bicker with the woman who holds the most coveted position, “Your relationship is my greatest fear realised.”

We’re raised to believe the course of love never runs smoothly.  There needs to be obstacles for you to live happily ever after. Do we need drama to make a relationship “work”?

You think you’ll never meet anyone as amazing as this one who already has one but makes you feel phenomenal. And then you meet one. And then there you are.

Alone. Thinking about shit like this.
When the object of your affection is physically with you, it never feels like this. This ... fucking ... pathetic.

It feels like perfection. Which is why you persevere.
Why you’ll never really break up.
Even if he left her, you’d still be “the other woman”
You’d still be required to nurse him to monogamy, with you.

Are you willing to do that?

Writer: A Pretty Girls Blog             Image: Josh Joines