Welcome to 2012 ladies and gentlemen, I do hope your year is off to a good start.

I ushered mine in on the couch having a movie marathon with my sister. It was the most quiet New Years Eve I've had in years, and possibly the best decision I've made in awhile. Not that I don't enjoy partying up a storm and shaking my derreire, but the change was welcomed.

As is customary we mere mortals take into stock the past year and all the things that you may or may have not done in 2011. You make a list of things you want to do in the new year, dress them up and call them resolutions. I don't quite like that word at all, I feel that is used quite loosely. So I decided to do things a little differently this year and I'm crossing my fingers hoping that things work out.

Over the first few days of 2012, I took time to think about where I am, where I want to be and how I think I can get there. As some would call it I was being introspective. I needed to do it, I couldn't enter another year on borrowed time without honestly and fairly evaluating what the plan is.

While in the mix of things, another moment of introspection sort of landed on my lap. I learnt something about myself and it was a gut wrenching realisation but I'm glad it happened so early in the year. I was on the couch at a friends place playing catch up and chatting about life, love, growing up; all that lovely stuff. So while we were disecting the merits of love and relationships, I uncovered an interesting truth about myself.

Somehow I wish I had figured this a long time ago. I get it now that somethings come with age and having the ability to critique yourself. Whilst on this topic of love and I remember saying to my friend all teary eyed "I definitely know how to love some one". I don't do things in half measures and I will go the extra mile to express the love I have for you. I evaluated my current and past relationships, then re-evaluated them again. Peeled the layers like an onion trying to find out where the kink in the model is. Then a light bulb came on and my heart sank into the pit of my stomach.

I know how to love *silence* and the tears start streaming down my face again. I realised that I don't know how to be loved, well at least they way I want and deserved to be. We sat then in silence for a bit and then I offloaded a lot of things I thought I had dealt with. I'm glad that I went into that place, I needed to discovered those things about myself and I know that I'm better off as a result.

In light of that I found by muchness so to speak. My sense of purpose is renewed and the unnatural sense of fear I have been secretly carrying with me is slowly lifting. Recently had a Body Talk session last week with my altenative medicine therapist and this is what I learnt about fear.

1.)   Fear is a low frequency emotion, which is why you feel like you have low energy or a down after the fact.  Included in low frequency energies are anger, depression, sadness etc.

2.)   As a result fear affects multiple levels of your overall wellbeing, including the physical. For most of us however the effects are mental, emotional and spiritual.

3.)   It’s paralysing and often stops us from being our truest selves.

Then he gave me 3 points:

1.)   Fear of being controlled or influnenced

2.)   Fear of not being in control

3.)   Fear of being able to control ( this relates to circumstances in your life)

This is where I am at, but apparently I am not alone. Energetically a lot of people around the world are walking around harbouring low frequency emotions. The best way to fix this is to constantly remind yourself of the opposite.

Which is…? LOVE!!!!!! So I’m on a mission to remind myself and find descriptors for all things love. If you believe, it becomes part of you and the universe will work in sync.

Till we meet again

A blessed year to you all.

xoxo

VS