I had a very intense and equally inspiring conversation with friends the other day. In fact this conversation stuck with me so much, that when I met up with an old friend I hadn’t seen in a while it came up again. There are so many factors that come into play within any relationship. Rules, compromise, personalities and we trust that the mix works well. It is a very big deal letting someone into your universe and vice versa, more so when you are both very head strong.

Life works very differently from the days of my parents. While my mom has always been a working wife and mother, I believe her level of independence was very different from mine. I am growing up in a world where the fittest fish lives longer. Everything is so fast paced and results driven, that we often forget to just breathe.  It actually reminds me of the saying “Time is money”.

Now I’m wondering if that is what life is really about? Do we only measure true independence by how financially well off we are? What are the true indicators of success and wealth all round, because sometimes I feel that the lines get a little blurred.

I often describe myself as a strong independent black woman, I can do bad all by myself.  I am a product of my surroundings and times.  However I have realised as attractive as the idea of independence is, it sometimes alienates us from the opposite sex.  I am by no means speaking on behalf of all the independent women out there, this is a personal observation.

in·de·pen·dent
1.  Not governed by a foreign power; self-governing.
2.  Free from the influence, guidance, or control of another or others; self-reliant: an independent mind.
3.  Not determined or influenced by someone or something else; not     contingent: a decision independent of the outcome of the study.
4
a. Not relying on others for support, care, or funds; self-supporting.
b. Providing or being sufficient income to enable one to live without working: a person of independent means.

I was once told by a young man who was attempting to take me out on a date, that I was too independent for my own good. I was completely taken aback by that statement, I mean really what in heaven’s name does that mean. Let’s take a look at the definition of the word independent courtesy of the freedictionary.com.

Now how could I possible be too independent if I fall within the confines of the above definition? I accepted the invitation to the date and I must admit I have a lot of fun.

I also have to be very honest that I became very self-conscious about myself through out the whole date. Things that I would ordinarily do without thinking, I somehow felt I needed permission to proceed.  Now we both know that beyond this date, this dude was not going to be seeing me anytime soon. Maybe I am a little too independent but then again I am who I am.I don’t understand what that means or how it could possibly be a bad thing. I mean I’m nothing like those leading ladies in the movies like Sandra Bullock in The Proposal. I know when to ask for help and I sure do know when to receive. However this lead me on an introspective tip in hopes to find the answer to that absurd statement.

My introspection ended up being another conversation with a bunch of girl friends over a cup of tea at work. Naturally we all concluded that the young man was grossly misguided.* silent chuckle* You have to love women sometimes and at the end of  it all we agreed that sometimes we tend to wear the pants when it’s not necessary.
I am independent and very proud of that fact. I’ve managed to graduate, get a job and start a career for myself. I can buy things I want to, when I want to.  I can certainly have a conversation about money with my bank manager, my broker and perhaps the odd folks at the round table. As with everything in life it is about moderation, but I will not be cornered into thinking that my independence is something wrong. All too often men are celebrated for their independence and achievements as a result.
I’m hoping one day in a galaxy not so far away, that young women will also view in this light. With fear or favour, criticism and stereotypical feminist comments.
Ciao bellas

Writer: Nonhlanhla Msimango    Images: Tumblr