(As witnessed at the MTN Sama Nominees’ Party last Thursday): 

1. The D-lister who thinks he's an A-lister.
2. The young, up and coming what-what who thinks he’s made it. Calm down, kid!
3. The perennially hot guy to go gaga over.
4. The cheesy guy who thinks he’s the perennially hot guy.
5. Overhearing classic conversations like, ‘Celebs don’t go to the bar themselves’ – said without any irony.
6. The hot young celeb not looking so hot anymore (mascara is running, the hair went home, and the strut is now a stagger), but still posing for the paparazzi at 1am.
7. The celeb-intense crew that forms their own VIP area in the middle of the party. Attracting side-glances, and wanting just that.
   (Please note: No mention of the words ‘Fourways’ or ‘Twitter’ or ‘mafia’ in this sentence!)
8. The hard-working artist who’s finally making it – and you can’t help but worry for what’s about to come for him.
9. The queens in all their fabulousity, having more fun than anyone.
10. The same fabulous queens looking you up and down as they chat to you (possibly to blog about your outfit later).
11. Some lecherous, creepy-looking man trying to grope you.
12. Your phone to be stolen – it is Jozi after all…

* Names have been withheld – we do still want to work in this industry, after all!